My approach
“the more I can keep a relationship free of judgment and evaluation, the more this will permit the other person to reach the point where they recognize that the locus of evaluation, the centre of responsibility, lies within themselves.”
― Carl R. Rogers,
Each of us are unique and therefore so are the relationships we create. Because of this, I work with all my clients in different ways. I feel it is important for a counsellor to be considerate of the style or approach people prefer working with. Below is an insight only; relationships are incredibly complex, and this is intended to provide an insight on how we may begin to manage that complexity, therefore the following is by no means exclusive.
However, there are some popular aspects to relationship counselling that have a tendency to repeatedly present themselves.
Couples frequently begin relationship counselling in a reactive or defensive state, fuelled by experiences in the relationship or/and by previous experiences. Therefore, my work with you often begins by working towards a position where the reactive patterns of behaviour reduce or hopefully stop. My counselling sessions will offer each person an equal chance to be ‘heard’ and express their viewpoint. I will also spend time gently exploring each set of experiences you bring and also the recent circumstances that have brought you to counselling.
If couples are successful at developing change, the reactive/defensive nature of their status, they often begin to move to a more neutral stage that is represented in less conflict or less distance between them. Here I might support you by asking you to notice or acknowledge this change and the work you are doing to achieve this. I may help you develop ways to support this change, becoming more established and reduce the possibility to fall back to previous negative patterns.
It is the hoped that, once a period of ‘neutral stage’ has been reached, couples might begin to change their perspective of how they feel about the relationship. Here, I might offer insights to possible influences that form part of how relationships operate. My approach is one of empowerment. I strongly feel it is important to support changes that improve the way your relationship functions. To achieve this, I work hard at working with you rather than ‘prescribing’ advise to be followed. At this stage couples often can feel ‘enlightened’ to how their relationship operates and they are able to recognise the reasons behind their previous patterns of the negative reactions.
At this stage couples may decide their goal of counselling has been reached. Other couples may use this opportunity to enhance their relationship by focusing on other aspects of their relationship, such as intimacy or how they coordinate their parenting style. Here the full strength of empowerment takes place. I view clients as experts on their own lives and it is my aim to support their deeply personal knowledge combined with my skills & experience to fully take advantage of the uniqueness of the relationship